The Invitation: Dig Deeper (Week Two)

Lesson Two: Dig deeper.

When we are in conflict, either within ourselves or with another, it helps to return what I call our power position, which is to clarify for ourselves, "What I really need in this situation is..." 

It is easy for a conversation to get out of hand, one person reacting to another, and then that person reacting in reaction. It's a predictable cycle with a toxic nature, which almost always declines in quality as it progresses. Around and around the exchange goes, the participants speaking more loudly, carelessly, and sometimes viciously with each new level. It's equally toxic when the battle takes place between different parts of one's self. 

Our power position is to return to our own needs and desires in every situation. If I can step back, take a deep breath, and check in to see what I actually need or want, then I knew what is driving me. I can get back to what I am trying to get here. If the conflict is with someone else, then I am in a position to state clearly what I am asking of them. And, honestly... isn't that the greatest gift anyone could ever give us? Just tell me what you want from me! Give me a chance to say, "Yes, I can do that." or "No, that won't work for me." or if you're really lucky, "No, that won't work for me, but what about this...?" Everything is more clear, more straightforward, more manageable, if we know what we need.

If you know what you need... You have to know what you really need.

The stuff I wrote leading up to this may or may not be clear. In the spirit of full disclosure... I can't even tell. When I read Chapter Two: The Longing for this week's book study, something profoundly unexpected happened and frankly, it's boggled my mind. It left me in something of a tailspin and I am not really sure what will be required of me to pull back out. As promised (by me, ironically), "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer has rocked my world and I'm not sure what to do with that.

Part of me wants to burn the book in my back yard, delete all references to it on my blog... perhaps just the delete the entire blog. I don't know. It wants to cancel the conference call line where I host the book study for two and pretend none of this ever happened. 


Another part wants to stay, keep reading, doing the meditations, talking about what's churning inside me. Part of me wants to see what happens if I accept the invitation and actually show up to the party. That part is decidedly more brave that the first, I believe we call them my True Self and my Ego, respectively. 

Nine pages and a meditation... that's all there is to Chapter Two but it rocked my world. It begins with this: 

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for, 

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

She exposes The Longing with such transparency, such vulnerability, that my own longing roared up to meet her on the path... all of it far too familiar to ignore. She speaks of our longing for passion, companionship, peace, truth, respect, and even to be connected - to one another, to everything, to the thing some call Spirit or God or The Universe. 

My longing for purpose, for my life to matter, bubbled up and ached with all of the rest of it in my chest. It haunts me, that one, the longing that people continue to remind me should be met many times over. I've coached many, written extensively, used my gifts to support many people in the last couple of years. Still, I'm haunted by the absence of "enough" success, haunted by the longing to do more... it is powerful and I am with this longing, I realized today, almost constantly. 

I turned to the meditation, enjoying the feeling of all that I long for awake. I felt eager to explore, to find answers. I wanted to open the door to more... and that's where it fell apart. She doesn't want to know what we long for... she wants to know what lives below that, what we really long for. She prompts, "I want...," I need...," "I desire...," and with a amateurish sense of relief, I offered the thing I've believed was driving me for the entire two years that I've been struggling to grow this business. 

I want to make a difference in the world. 

I need to find a way that I can show up and use my gifts to help people change their lives. 

I desire more clients, more visibility, more opportunities to do the thing I was created to do. 

She then prompts us to, "Pause and come back to your breath... looking at what you have written, read the items out loud, one at a time, saying, 'It doesn't interest me if I ever have... What I really want is...'"

Security. 

What I really want is security... Damn. 

I'm still not sure what to do with that, although it was instantly clear that for the first time in a long, long time that I must at least consider looking for a job working for someone else. I was stunned. I am still stunned. And, also profoundly relieved to uncover the true source of the weight I've been wearing on my chest for the last two years. I'm not desperate to change the world, although I am certainly still eager and willing to do so if there is a place for me. I certainly hope that this thing I feel so compelled to do, to teach people how to live more peacefully and powerfully, can provide the financial security that is part of what I recognize my longing for. I'm desperate to feel secure and my job is to find a way to meet that need.

Sometimes you have to dig deeper to find the truth... and then you have to figure out what to do with it.

_____

Unlike last week, I didn't come with a list of questions for us to discuss, in part because the content was different than last week and in part because I was rattled. Instead I offered quotes that spoke to me and we discussed them, and she (the one who joined me two weeks in a row, bringing profound validation to my claim that this is a book study and not just me reading a book) did the same. It was marvelous. I will not post all of the quotes here but will post them one at a time on the WildflowerEvolution page on Facebook for those who are reading along and want to join the discussion. 

Lastly, these experiences are more effective if you can find a way to live them daily as opposed to one call a week. We both agreed to visit the meditation for this chapter throughout the week. Because it is a different kind of meditation, we decided to go through the 9 Environments of our lives using the same technique offered in the book. Some days, obviously, will require more than one environment to get ready for Chapter Three on Monday.

If you'd like to join us the next conversation, here are the details:

Current Book:

• "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (Click here to order it from Amazon.com)

Weekly Live Conversation:

• Monday, March 21st with Chapter Three at 6:00 PM Central (7:00 Eastern, 5:00 Mountain, 4:00 Pacific)
• Dial-in Number: 605-477-3000, access code 259603#
•  Back-up Number: 559-546-1400 (you will then be prompted to enter the info above)

Facebook Conversation:

• Visit and "like" the Facebook Page for the Wildflower Evolution to participate. Topics will be posted there and your participation in that dialogue will be celebrated!

Other Information:

• More People = More Change. Please share this invitation.
• Participate in whatever way feels true for you (just the calls, or just Facebook).  
• If you can't make a call, no worries, read anyway and come back the next week.