I Am Pleased With Myself... Are YOU?

I was like those young babies who sleep during the day and want to party with their parents all night.

Nine days ago I (finally) started a daily yoga practice. I fell in love with yoga in 1998 when I heard about it for the first time because Oprah was interviewing Madonna. When she spoke of yoga, I knew that was for me. It was years before I actually did yoga, more than a decade before I took my first class, and it wasn't until two months ago when I got serious about it... finally, indeed. 

In January, something shifted in me. I was suddenly ready to deal with myself - the extra weight, the habits, and the use of food to numb my fears and anxieties. I was truly sedentary. My body was hijacked by my ego so many years ago that I can't even tell you when it happened. I put the reality of the situation on the virtual table and admitted that it is time to do The Work, just like I do every day with my coaching clients. 

I started with my relationship with food, which seemed like a no brainer really... I mean, I love cake (or most any sugary good, which can serve as a cake substitute in its absence). The old dialogue about good and bad foods started right back up, my adult self trying to be all rigid and hysterical with the Little Christys who love the "forbidden" foods. I whipped myself into madness within a few short days, which (in all fairness) was relatively easy because I've spent so much time in that mode in my adult life. 

Try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to just launch into physical activity. It was like I was trapped in quicksand. Instead, I obsessed about the food until I had a little emotional break down. In that chaos, I realized what a terrible ass I'd been to myself all of these years. You see, I don't eat terribly. Yes, I have some ill-placed romantic thing going on with sugar but it's not like I was eating it all day, every day. And, I am a freaking vegetarian... only a few servings of cheese a week away from being vegan. I haven't had a soda in over six years. I almost never drink alcohol. 

The truth is: I am not out of control!

I am lazy.

I don't move my body... honestly, I haven't in years. I want to. Seriously, I want to. Every single day, I wake up thinking that I want to. I long to. I plan to. I dress to... and then I don't. At least that is what I realized when I accepted the invitation to be honest with myself. 

More truth: I am not actually lazy. I was stuck... massively stuck in this old pattern and it was going to take some major changes in my mind, body, and spirit to release this weight. So, I got help from a number of people - my life coach, wife, offspring, and even some friends, - and I found a yoga teacher. 

Two months ago, I promised that I would get to Kundalini Rising Yoga in Nashville every Sunday for this magical recovery-themed class. If I did nothing else for exercise, that class was going to happen... no matter what. No. Matter. What. For the first couple of weeks, that class was ALL that happened. Then, I went for a hike in the woods across the street once, then again. The next week, I didn't hike but I kept going to yoga. The week after I hiked once. Still, I went to that class.

I began to crave more, so I asked my yoga teacher how to begin to bring some of what I was gaining in that Sunday class to my daily life. She offered me the 11-minute Meditation Into Being. I wanted more. After inquiring about my goals and intentions with the next phase of my journey, she taught me about the Sadhana and invited me to commit to 40 days of Nabhi Kryiya with Breath of Fire and the Meditation Into Being. I was to start with beginner lengths of time, working my way up to the advanced student times. 

Today is Day 9. DAY NINE (9) of kicking my own ass... right into the deeply empowered state I've been dreaming of. My body is already changing. The second position, I couldn't even do on Day 1, so I modified it until I could get strong enough. On Day 4, I did it properly for 2 minutes and yes, I thought I might die... but I didn't. On Day 8, I raised the times from 1/3 to 1/2 of the advanced student times (and also learned from my teacher about slight modifications for the first three days of my moon cycle). 

Here is the catch: This entire time I've been doing this at the end of the day when the children are tucked safely in their beds and Kristin is upstairs studying. I wanted to do it in the morning, but just couldn't make it happen. I made the promise to myself that I would do this Kriya every day and was going to keep it... NO MATTER WHAT, so I did it at night. Everything in me wanted to be doing it in the morning because: 

• I'm so much more focused, connected, creative, peaceful, calm, and on and on, after I do yoga and I want to ride that ride all day, not just into Sleepy Land. 
• Doing it at night is not easy, energy wise, so I worried about it off and on all day. I kept checking in to make sure that I was going to be ready, that I would leave enough time, that I didn't get lazy. I was riding my own ass all day just to make sure I didn't blow it. I'm in the business of eliminating energy drains and I knew I needed to find a way to move this practice into the morning. 
• Sleep. I can't possibly do yoga until midnight and get up at 6 am. I just can't... and get through the day with enough get up and go to do yoga again until midnight. 

I knew I had it backward. Everything in me wanted it switched but I couldn't bring myself to do it in the morning, so I just kept doing the yoga at night. My promise to myself wasn't that I would do it perfectly (morning). My promise was that I would do it every day. So, at the end of day 6 and 7 and 8, when I hadn't done my yoga, it meant doing it at night or breaking the promise... bring on the bedtime yoga for me.

Until today, that is... Day 9! I wasn't doing it when the sun came up (my ultimate goal) but I was doing it by 8:00 am and I finished it before moving on with my day (even though it was incredibly tempting to start taking swings at my to-do list). I did it. I rocked Day 9 and now I can take on this day with the most solid foundation I've ever experienced. I am pleased with myself. 

I am so pleased, in fact, that for just a moment, I wished that I could bottle this feeling inside of me and offer it with you... Oh wait! It's already done: www.SeedsAndWeedsCoaching.com. I love it when I use all my coaching magic on myself and it works. It's so good for business.