Sometimes It Gets Ugly

WILDFLOWER CONFESSION: 

Sometimes I hold back because I'm afraid to fail, until I've exhausted every single other option.

Then, stripped bare and with nothing left to lose... I go for it. I go for the thing that was in my heart all along.

It is then, and only then, that a whole new world opens to me. 

No, it doesn't have to be this way. I know that. 

But, I love that no matter how ugly it gets, how fearful and paralyzed and closed I become, what lives in my heart - the dreams that the Divine perfectly crafted me to live - never give up on me. 

That's where I am on this book. The idea came five years ago, like a bolt of lightening. Since that day, I've studied and processed and shared and welcomed all I could about the concept that I call "The Cups Thing." Perhaps a hundred times, I've tried to write it and still nothing exists that can be put between two covers and called my first book. 

Until now.

The time has finally come. The entire foundation for "The Cups Thing" is that all of our answers are within us... and I finally understand what that means. I learned it, as I do most things, the hard way. After years of struggling and fighting and suffering, I threw an epic fit at my Higher Power. I cried. I sobbed. I ranted and raved. And then, I begged for answers about how to do what needs desperately to be done. 

I heard, "The Cups Thing says that the answers are within." 

I screamed, "Fine... SHOW ME! Show me what's inside of me that I haven't already done. If it's in here, I can't see it. Please... allow me to see what I have within me to offer the world that I haven't already, in order to meet our needs." 

I heard, "The Cups Thing."

Again, I cried, "I know what The Cups Things says... I know all about it. It haunts me every single day. I already know that it says that the answers are in here. But, I AM SAYING... I. DON'T. KNOW. THE. ANSWERS!" 

"The Cups Thing. The Cups Thing. The Cups Thing. It doesn't tell you where to find your answer. It IS your answer. Share it. It's time." 

I can finally see that everything else I've been dreaming of is waiting for this to be delivered and finally, after all of these years, the book is oozing out of me and onto the pages of a leather bound journal. Our passions. Our dreams. That which was written on our bones and lives in our hearts... never gives up on us.

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